12 Ways to Guarantee that Nobody Will Offer You a Job

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1. Broadcast to your entire network and on your job applications that you are willing to do any kind of job that pays money and in any industry.

2. Ask everyone you know if they can review your resume for free.

3. If you get a first round interview and you are a candidate who was terminated from your prior company, spend the entire allotted time talking about how awful the experience was and how terrible your former colleagues are.

4. When the interviewer asks if you have questions, make sure not to have any prepared and to state that as awkwardly as possible.

5. Ask questions in the interview whose answers can be found on the front page of the company website.

6. Only take interviews right after a gym workout when you don't have time to change first.

7. In all emails with the hiring team, open them with "To Whom It May Concern".

8. Emphasize during all conversations how nervous you are in interview settings.

9. During the conversation use as many slang words as possible.

10. If you disagree on the answer to an interview question make sure to emphasize how ridiculous their approach is.

11. Make sure to emphasize how many jobs you’ve applied to and how few interviews you’ve gotten as a result.

12. Focus on how you want the role to be a short lived stepping stone to something you’d actually prefer to do.

What ways would you add to this list?